[tor-commits] [user-manual/master] Clean up some phrasing based on feedback

[colin@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx]

commit ebdc5f876f347f0d2bc804a0e27a1762c1da4559
Author: Colin Childs <colin@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Date:   Mon Oct 17 23:10:34 2016 -0500

    Clean up some phrasing based on feedback
---
 C/about-tor-browser.page | 15 +++++++--------
 1 file changed, 7 insertions(+), 8 deletions(-)

diff --git a/C/about-tor-browser.page b/C/about-tor-browser.page
index 97e960a..b0b551b 100644
--- a/C/about-tor-browser.page
+++ b/C/about-tor-browser.page
@@ -16,10 +16,9 @@
     <list>
       <item>
         <p>
-          Your internet activity, including the names and addresses of
-          the websites you visit, will be hidden from your Internet
-          service provider and from anyone watching your connection
-          locally.
+	  Your internet service provider, and anyone watching your connection
+	  locally, will not be able to track your internet activity, including
+	  the names and addresses of the websites you visit.
         </p>
       </item>
       <item>
@@ -43,7 +42,7 @@
       is exited or a <link xref='managing-identities#new-identity'>New
       Identity</link> is requested).
     </p>
-    
+
     <!-- XXX: ask Tor Browser team/mikeperry about things that are worth
     adding here. -->
 
@@ -60,9 +59,9 @@
     <media type="image" width="600" src="media/how-tor-works.png" />
     <p>
       The image above illustrates a user browsing to different websites
-      over Tor. The green monitors represent relays in the Tor network,
-      while the three keys represent the layers of encryption between the
-      user and each relay.
+      over Tor. The green middle computers represent relays in the Tor
+      network, while the three keys represent the layers of encryption
+      between the user and each relay.
     </p>
   </section>
 </page>

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