[or-cvs] r12127: edit whousestor a little. (website/trunk/en)

[nickm@xxxxxxxx]

Author: nickm
Date: 2007-10-22 23:11:46 -0400 (Mon, 22 Oct 2007)
New Revision: 12127

Modified:
   website/trunk/en/whousestor.wml
Log:
edit whousestor a little.

Modified: website/trunk/en/whousestor.wml
===================================================================
--- website/trunk/en/whousestor.wml	2007-10-23 01:37:56 UTC (rev 12126)
+++ website/trunk/en/whousestor.wml	2007-10-23 03:11:46 UTC (rev 12127)
@@ -9,17 +9,18 @@
 <hr />
 
 <p>
-This page is still under construction; please <a href="<page
+We're still writing this page; please <a href="<page
 contact>">send us</a> your fixes, comments, and stories!
 </p>
 
 <p>
-One of the challenges in explaining the various ways people use Tor
-is that the whole point of Tor is anonymity: when it succeeds, nobody
-notices, and publishing success stories about how people or organizations
-are staying anonymous can be counterproductive. For example, we talked
+Tor provides anonymity: when it succeeds, nobody notices.  This is
+great for users, but not so good for us, since publishing success
+stories about how people or organizations are staying anonymous could be
+counterproductive.
+As an example, we talked
 to an FBI officer who explained that he uses Tor every day for his work
-investigating sites on the Internet &mdash; but he quickly followed up
+&mdash;but he quickly followed up
 with a request not to provide details or mention his name.
 </p>
 
@@ -29,42 +30,42 @@
 
 <hr />
 
-<h2>People like you use Tor every day to...</h2>
+<h2>People use Tor every day to...</h2>
 
 <ul>
-<li>...protect their privacy from marketers</li>
+<li>...protect their privacy from unscrupulous marketers</li>
 
 <p>Anonymity helps defeat marketing that doesn't have your permissions.
 There are all kinds of unscrupulous marketing techniques that track your
-activity through cookies, web bugs, and malware by using your IP address
+activity
 to build marketing databases, often selling your private information
-without your permission.  Tor helps defeat many of these violations
+without your permission.  Tor, used appropriately,
+helps defeat many of these violations
 of your privacy.</p>
 
-<li>...preserve their kids' safety online</li>
+<li>...protect their children online</li>
 
 <p>&ldquo;I'm proud my mom and dad let me stay alone at home now.&rdquo;
 You've told your kids they shouldn't share personally identifying
 information online, but they may be sharing their location simply
-by not concealing their IP address from predators.  Increasingly, IP
+by not concealing their IP address.  Increasingly, IP
 addresses can be literally mapped to street locations, and in the US the
-government is pushing to get this mapping closer and closer to your
-street address.  What if a predator heard your child was alone, and
-called up the satellite view of your address to find the best approach
-from the back of the property?</p>
+government is pushing to get this mapping closer and closer to 
+street addresses.
+</p>
 
 <li>...research sensitive topics</li>
 
-<p>There's a wealth of information available online.   Perhaps, in your
+<p>There's a wealth of information available online.   But perhaps in your 
 country, access to information on AIDS, birth control, Tibetan culture,
-or world religions may be restricted inside a national firewall.
-Or perhaps you are afraid that if you research a particular set of
-symptoms, at some later date an insurance company could establish that
-you had suspicions of a pre-existing condition.  Want to research airline
-security statistics or animal rights without the risk that your national
-security authorities are going to think you are a terrorist? </p>
+or world religions is behind a national firewall.
+Or perhaps you are worried that if you research a particular set of
+symptoms, at some later date an insurance company might buy the 
+logs of the websites you visited and establish that
+you had suspicions of a pre-existing condition.
+</p>
 
-<li>...find out how other folks live</li>
+<li>...see how the rest of the world lives</li>
 
 <p>Tor allows you to see the World Wide
 Web from a different perspective.  Want to see Google come up in Polish?
@@ -90,7 +91,7 @@
 <li>IBB/Voice of America/Radio Free Europe/Radio Free Asia</li>
 
 <p>The US <a href="http://www.ibb.gov/";>International Broadcasting
-Bureau</a> is supporting Tor development Internet users in countries
+Bureau</a> supports Tor development Internet users in countries
 that can't get
 safe access to free media.  Tor not only protects freedom of expression,
 but preserves the ability of persons behind national firewalls or under