Re: [seul-edu] Schoolforge ready for Prime Time?

["David M. Bucknell" <david@members.iteachnet.com>]

I don't mind editing help as editing my own work is nearly impossible for me.
Too close.

Doug Loss <drloss@suscom.net> said:

> "David M. Bucknell" wrote:
> > 
> > Meanwhile, here's a rough, first try at what the statement could be:
> > 
> > <<Members of the Schoolforge Coaltion have the common goal of advocating
the
> > use of free and open source tools and curricula in education, and
assisting
> > them in their successful use and maintenance.
> 
"Members of the Schoolforge
> Coaltion have the common goals of advocating the use of free and open
> source tools and curricula in education and assisting in their
> successful use and maintenance." 

This is good.

> 
> > We aim to make our efforts more
> > effective and efficient by collaborating on and focusing our efforts,
because
> > we are convinced that free and open source solutions are right for
education.
> 
> "We aim to make our individual efforts more effective and efficient by
> collaborating and focusing on them, because we are convinced that free
> and open source solutions are right for education." 

Also good, except that changing to "focusing on them" changes meaning to one I
don't think I/we mean. Why not just "...collaborating and focusing them? or:

I suggest "We aim to make our individual efforts more effective and efficient
by focusing them and collaborating, because we are convinced that free and
open solutions are right for education.


> 
> > The road to free and open source technology and curricula is the road to
> > effective and sustainable school program development. At the Coalition
sites
> > below, visitors will find the information and tools they need to assist
them
> > at all stages of their journey.>>
> > 
> > Suggestions, alternatives?
> > 
> I hope you don't mind a little editing.  I guess I got the editing genes
> from my father, was was a newspaperman for 32 years.

Dont' mind at all when it's as careful as yours. I'll bow to both of you.

David


-- 
David M. Bucknell
http://members.iteachnet.org/~david
http://www.OpenSourceSchools.org
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