[tor-talk] Food for thought

[foodforthought@xxxxxxxxxxx]

Things are never black and white, there are always two sides of a story
and people are never only good or bad.

But was it really our first and foremost concern to find out the "truth"?
Is the lesson to be learned, if you will, about who is to blame? About
shaming the victims or shaming the alleged perpetrator? About whether or
not the "accused" will be found "guilty"? Is an "evidence-based
discussion" or "due process" really going to solve the greater issue here?

In a community that claims to strive for equality, accusations against one
person raise much broader questions and issues, like:

-) How much leadership/charisma/hero-worshiping can be healthy for a
community of self-empowered people?

-) What is not criminal can still be harmful, disrespectful, humiliating or
violating consent, just as what is criminal can still be ethical or
consensual. Innocent until found guilty misses the mark in this context.

-) If we were living in a community/society of fulfilled people, who feel
accepted, approved of and loved by their peers, there would be no such
thing as abuse or harassment. But we don't. (Yet?) How do we deal with
this discrepancy in a constructive way?

-) If someone voices concerns about a certain individual, how do we open
lines of communication before too many get harmed? How do we treat both
parties involved respectfully?

-) Even when a person, from the bottom of their heart, talks about
sex-positivism, respect for others, transparency and equality, it does not
mean that they can live up to their own expectations. Their own disability
to do so may make them even more enthusiastic talking about it.

-) We are all humans, we are fallible, we are flawed, we cause harm in
others. The question is, do we create an environment where failure is
recognized, do we surround ourselves with friends who will tell us we
failed? Will they express concern, when self-reflection and self-criticism
have failed us? Will people speak up even to the one person considered a
role model? Or do we kick issues into the long grass and surround
ourselves with yes-men?
This ties in with the first question.


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